Servant of the Force

TM 237 It's your birthday! If anything were possible, what would be your perfect way to celebrate?

I'm not even sure when my birthday is.

As Jedi we were taught simply not to think about them. We were never told when our birthdays were. The Masters felt it would be an unfair way of singling us out, teaching us to focus upon ourselves rather than the Force. So although they taught us that each being has a specific day in which they entered the world, we were told that our attention must stay on the larger unifying Force. And there it did. I imparted this very same lesson to Anakin when I took him on as an apprentice, although I'm sure for him it was a more difficult one to learn. He had grown up with his mother, and she always honoured the day he was born. There were not always gifts, but she seemed to find a way to make the day special nonetheless. At least if the amount of time he spent talking about his birthdays is any indication.

And myself? Since I've never celebrated a birthday, I'm not sure what the "perfect" way of celebrating one might be. I would probably choose to spend it as I'd spend any other day.

Muse: Obi-Wan Kenobi
Fandom: Star Wars
Words: 197

TM 230 Black and white

I wish matters were black and white.

Meanings, understandings, paths we are shown in meditations and visions. It would certainly make interpretations much easier. If I had known precisely who had wanted to kill Senator Amidala just before the Clone Wars, and why they had wanted to do so, the Jedi Order might have been able to prevent the entire war in the first place. Or at least, perhaps, to make the impact upon innocent beings that much less.

But there is a reason why the Force does not function in such literal terms. What this reason is I cannot be sure, but I have long thought it might be due to the fact that its function is to guide, to instruct, and to reveal slowly in time. Ordinarily this is perfectly understandable as the natural order of matters. But when lives are involved, lives of those who would otherwise not have died, I sometimes can't help but question its motives. Does the Force wish death upon the galaxy? Does it wish chaos, terror, evil? Or is it merely an innocent bystander itself, powerless to stop the return of the Sith and the attendant terror?

Of course, these are questions philosophers have pondered for an age. I'm unlikely to come up with any of the answers on my own. But I do remember Qui-Gon saying that the most important step in finding answers is to ask the right questions.

I am asking these questions.

As the universe isn't black and white, of course, I don't receive those answers. Perhaps I never will.

Muse: Obi-Wan Kenobi
Fandom: Star Wars
Words: 262

TM Prompt #224 Mad

( Obi-Wan Kenobi can remember being truly angry only twice in his life )

Muse: Obi-Wan Kenobi
Fandom: Star Wars
Words: 529

If you could buy a magic potion, what would it be?

If? I can only suppose that the author of this question hasn't visited the downlevels of Coruscant lately. Last time I was at Dex's Diner, I was approached by no fewer than five beings offering to sell me concoctions that promised everything from helping me to achieve advanced age to sexual prowess to the sprouting of several extra pairs of arms and legs. Needless to say I rejected all of them. I fail to see what good advanced age will do me if I am killed tomorrow by the Sith, I have little use for sexual prowess as a Jedi, and while extra arms and legs might be useful in facing someone such as Grievous, I don't know how much good they would do me in everyday life.

In truth, if I were to design a magic potion to do something that I wanted ... well, no, that is hardly the way to think of this matter. My needs are secondary when compared with the state of the galaxy at the moment. What the Republic needs is peace, and reunification. We need to end this war that is destroying us and the principles for which we stand. We need a magic potion that will return the power to the people. Of course it's absurd to even think of a potion doing such a thing. But at times like these, it is hard not to want to believe in magic. On the battlefields, you sense that the only entity that will be able to put this mess together again is magic.

Or perhaps the Force.

I suppose you're expecting me to talk about something for myself. A potion that would fulfill one of my desires. But the only desire I have, at the moment, is to see the Force and the galaxy returned to balance. I care about the Republic and it hurts me to see it in such disarray. So if there were a potion that could achieve this, I guarantee I would be happy. Perhaps not all of my problems would be solved, but I would at least be content with the state of affairs.

At times, I fear for us all.

Muse: Obi-Wan Kenobi
Fandom: Star Wars
Words: 363

TM Prompt #215 is: Seduction. Have you ever seduced someone or has anyone ever seduced you?

( I have never been seduced, nor has anyone seduced me )

Obi-Wan Kenobi
Star Wars
904 words

Theatrical Muse Prompt #211 is: Old Aquaintance.

( I noticed him sweating before we'd even stepped into the elevator. )

Obi-Wan Kenobi
Star Wars
660 words

So I've applied for Theatrical Muse, gods help me.

Had to do it this aft cos there's a gigantic blizzard bearing down on St. John's, and Dad was reminding us: "Right, if there's anything you've got to get done which requires electricity, do it now, cos last time there was a blizzard we didn't have power for five days." And for some reason that put me in mind of TM and my paranoid brain went "Ohnoez!! What if someone applies to TM with Obi-Wan and I'm cheated out of getting him due to a blizzard?????" Cue panic, and me dumping sprogs with Cam for fifteen minutes so I could write up a quick app. Hopefully it's acceptable and doesn't show too many signs of having been written under duress. (Duress being Megan yelling for Mum; she's got a slight cold and seems happy only when she's in my arms. Which would be why am currently typing one-handed and avoiding capital letters at all costs.)

So anyway. We'll see how that goes.

It's funny to me how involved I've become with this writing business ever since Liz introduced me to the idea of prompt comms. Previously I hadn't written a word of fanfic - that I was willing to show to members of the public, that is - in about three years. Not since starting uni, anyway. And right now, forget it. Even the meagre little roleplays I'm involved in, very unofficially I might add, mostly take place at night after sproglets are asleep. But I figure I should be able to manage once-a-month stuff, anyway. Being in Newfoundland helps, Michelle and Megan are pretty gregarious except when they've got colds and so there's always plenty of people to pass them off to. Not that I don't spend the majority of each day with them anyway, cos I do. ;-) But breaks are lovely too.

Talking of which, mine's up, so I'd best scram. And yeah, this entry probably should've been made in my personal journal, but I'm too lazy/busy to switch between accounts. So there. :-)

Library of Winds Prompt #07-47: Evil.

The Jedi are taught, from a very young age, that true evil does not come from the exterior world. Certainly, evil influences can be placed upon us from the outside. But the true evil, the evil that is the most dangerous to others and to the galaxy, comes from within. It comes when we ignore the principles to which we have dedicated ourselves and become led by temptation into unspeakable acts. It comes when we give in to raw emotion and become less instruments of the light than opponents to what the light brings.

However much I'd prefer not to admit it, I have had my own flirtations with evil. I can testify to how insidious it is. You truly believe that you are acting for the greater good, and it is difficult to be convinced otherwise. When I witnessed my Master struck down by the Sith, I believed that the way to avenge his death was to strike down his murderer as quickly and as brutally as possible. I attacked with only anger in my heart, and was rapidly and resoundingly defeated. It was only when I refocused myself and remembered the principles that Qui-Gon had ingrained in me that I could overcome that natural instinct.

I suppose that's precisely what drives our need for revenge: the natural instinct to right a particular wrong. I have seen it argued that justice rests on a foundation of revenge. That is, that all justice is motivated by the desire to seek reparation for the crime committed. But revenge can never be just. It is better to solve the problem that led to the crime being committed in the first place than to worry about apportioning blame.

Force, this sounds like a morality essay. I didn't intend it that way, but I suppose I'm just not accustomed to keeping a personal record. Hopefully it will get better at some point. Either that or I suppose I'll give it up.

Obi-Wan Kenobi
Star Wars
327 words

Right, so, after a certain amount of peer pressure from a certain best friend of mine, I am officially reactivating this journal. I could run through all the various excuses as to why it's been left sitting abandoned these many months - lack of interest in roleplaying, lack of time, pregnancy, wedding, sproglets, etc. etc. etc. - but I think I'll leave that for now. Suffice to say, yeah, Obi-Wan's journal's been sitting unoccupied for far too long now and I do believe it's time to resume roleplaying, at least in some sort of capacity.

The impression I've gotten from Liz is that we're sort of done with naboosenator, at least for the time being. This is why Obi-Wan will now be moving on to bigger and better things, whether he likes it or not. I've joined libraryofwinds with this journal just to whet my appetite for prompt-type communities, and once I'm a bit more experienced I'll probably apply to either theatrical_muse or quotable_muse or both, depending on how much time I end up having. When you've got twins it's definitely a case of fitting leisure activities around an otherwise busy life!

Even so, I will try to resume my life as Obi-Wan's typist, over and around outside stuff. I've friended varykino_rose (Liz's Padmé journal that she uses for TM) and I've also added the Anakin journal of another friend of hers. Hopefully we can have some good fun together!

And lastly, for the record, I do happen to be an Obi-Wan/Padmé supporter, and rather ardently so, but can be convinced to do other stuff if need be. A particular favourite is Anakin/Obi-Wan but really, I'll try not to be terribly picky. XD

I'm almost home, and I miss Padme so much I can barely breathe.

It's strange how I typed "home" in reference to Naboo. I never quite thought of it that way before. Coruscant was technically, in all senses of the word, my home, although I was hardly ever there. So many missions, particularly during the war. I suppose I never had a real home. Home was wherever Qui-Gon was. Home was wherever Anakin was. And later, now, home is and was wherever Padme happens to be.

Some might find it bizarre that my home is a person, but I don't. I feel secure with her, safe, and happy. And of course very, very in love. It was always this way, ever since we re-met three years ago, but then I wasn't able or allowed to express my feelings openly. I was very repressed. Still am, according to my typist. I refused even to acknowledge the idea of love, and so she went for Anakin. I know I'm not being fair, it wasn't a direct cause and effect of course, but it was in some ways my fault. My repression caused her in part all of the pain she had to go through. I would never say this to her, though. It's one secret she does not need to know.

But now things are different. She loves me back and I could not possibly love her more. And Leia, and Luke, and the child we are expecting. I can't wait to help her through the delivery and hold our new baby, the baby we created out of love. It will be truly amazing.

I didn't have much trouble getting Luke from Tatooine. He seemed anxious to go with me. Is it possible he remembers me from those months ago when Padme and I came for a visit? Or perhaps he senses my signature in the Force. That's entirely plausible given that the twins are very Force-sensitive. Like their father.

Anyway, I collected him and we stayed in a small hut I found in the Dune Sea, waiting for a few days just in case anyone had observed our presence and was following us. After I was sure that wasn't the case, we took off in the rented transport for Naboo.

He is sleeping now, but I see he's just woken up. We're about to enter Naboo's atmosphere; I cannot wait to reunite with Padme.

Here I am
Broken wings
Quiet thoughts
Unspoken dreams
Here I am
Alone again
And I need her now
To hold my hand

She's all, she's all I ever had
She's the air I breathe
She's all, she's all I ever had

It's the way she makes me feel
It's the only thing that's real
It's the way she understands
She's my lover, she's my friend
And when I look into her eyes
It's the way I feel inside
Like the man I want to be
She's all I ever need

So much time
So much pain
But there's one thing
That still remains
It's the way she cared
The love we shared
And through it all
She's always been there

She's all, she's all I ever had
In a world so cold, so empty
She's all, she's all I ever had

It's the way she makes me feel
It's the only thing that's real
It's the way she understands
She's my lover, she's my friend
And when I look into her eyes
It's the way I feel inside
Like the man I want to be
She's all I ever need

I miss my wife!!!!!!!

I'm on my way to Tatooine, to collect Luke. I should be reaching the planet in a few hours if all goes according to plan. I can't believe it has been a week since I left Naboo. These old-style fighters are so incredibly slow. I rented one from the Theed hangar and even fully fueled up it's slower than a sleeping bantha. Absolutely ridiculous. Anakin would've had a heart attack.

I can't confess to being overly ecstatic at the prospect of having Luke with us on Naboo. Not like Padme. She was stunned at first, and worried about how I might react, but once that wore off I could tell how excited she was. Bouncing around and smiling from ear to ear, I haven't seen her that happy in weeks. It's not that I'm not happy, it really isn't. I'm just concerned for the twins' safety, as I always have been. The reason I insisted they be separated was so that if the Sith were to come upon one of them, the other would presumably be safe. Granted, we are quite isolated at Varykino, but I worry. Technically I am supposed to be her bodyguard as well as her husband, so it's my job to worry. And I do. I worry, a lot.

Nevertheless, I understand why Luke needs to stay with us, at least for a little while. And so I'm going to get him. I think part of Padme wanted to come along, but the other part of her is still scared of travel, and not without cause, either. I really would rather she stay with Nandi and Teckla, anyway. I don't want what happened last time to happen now.

Oh, Padme. I miss her so much. But I'll be with her soon. I'm hoping to ditch this fighter once I reach Tatooine -- it'll be better for security purposes anyway -- and catch a quick transport out of here after I've collected Luke. We'll see.